New Mommy Files, Part 19
Is this normal? Raine is so clingy these days. And, she’s super picky about who she will let hold her. As of this evening, the short list includes me, her dad (for short periods of time) my mom, my dad, my sister and her cousin India. We went visiting yesterday to see her paternal grandma. By the end of the visit Grandma was worn out and so was I. She’s a little busy body. But I guess this is normal for eight months. If you’re a stranger, she’s not having it.
So tomorrow will be very interesting, since daddy is watching her while I’m at work. I’m glad they will have time without me around. She was super bonded with him just a mere month ago, but I’m learning that with a baby, it only takes a few weeks away from home to switch the game completely. Which leads me to my latest new mommy decision: Do I go completely freelance? The pros? More control over my time. Flexibility. The family will be together more. Raine at home more. The weekend parenting is not what I had in mind. This move will allow me the time, but will everything else work out? The cons? No check every two weeks without fail. Less money. Paying for our insurance. So far, the pros are winning. Like I’ve said before, I feel like I’m not really living my life. It’s more like I’m just going through the motions of someone else’s life. I can see so clearly how people just end up bitter in the end of life. Giving up on dreams seems like the responsible thing to do. But how can you live without them? My favorite line now is from a BonJovi song. I’ve heard it a million times, but it rings so true now. "I want to live while I’m alive." Love it.
The jump is going to take a lot of faith. I’ve always run for the safety net, but in my heart I’m somebody else. The safety net has really gotten me nowhere. But now I have Raine. If I stay full time, it will be strictly because of money. Is that enough of a reason? I believe if you finally get in your lane in life, the money will follow. I’ll have to pray on it.
Marcia Caster
Senior Editor, Beauty and Fashion
mcaster@heartandsoul.com
So tomorrow will be very interesting, since daddy is watching her while I’m at work. I’m glad they will have time without me around. She was super bonded with him just a mere month ago, but I’m learning that with a baby, it only takes a few weeks away from home to switch the game completely. Which leads me to my latest new mommy decision: Do I go completely freelance? The pros? More control over my time. Flexibility. The family will be together more. Raine at home more. The weekend parenting is not what I had in mind. This move will allow me the time, but will everything else work out? The cons? No check every two weeks without fail. Less money. Paying for our insurance. So far, the pros are winning. Like I’ve said before, I feel like I’m not really living my life. It’s more like I’m just going through the motions of someone else’s life. I can see so clearly how people just end up bitter in the end of life. Giving up on dreams seems like the responsible thing to do. But how can you live without them? My favorite line now is from a BonJovi song. I’ve heard it a million times, but it rings so true now. "I want to live while I’m alive." Love it.
The jump is going to take a lot of faith. I’ve always run for the safety net, but in my heart I’m somebody else. The safety net has really gotten me nowhere. But now I have Raine. If I stay full time, it will be strictly because of money. Is that enough of a reason? I believe if you finally get in your lane in life, the money will follow. I’ll have to pray on it.
Marcia Caster
Senior Editor, Beauty and Fashion
mcaster@heartandsoul.com
posted by heart&soulmate @ 12:03 AM
2 Comments:
At 12:21 PM,
Jerise said…
Hi Marcia,
I just came acorss your blog and I really appreciate your honesty. My daughter is 16 months and I have been juggling working a full time job and other projects while trying to adjust to being a new mom. It's a very tough decision. I am hoping to be able to freelance by next summer, giving me more time with my daughter and husband.
Great blog!
At 2:21 PM,
Anonymous said…
Wow!! I'm single with no children, but I sure can appreciate your viewpoint. I'd like to think I am going to feel just as guilty when I have to return to work after birthing my babies. Like Jerise said, I can imagine it to be a very tough decision.
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