New Mommy Files, Part 12
Organization, organization. That’s what is lacking here. But the truth is, there’s no time for it. In my quest to determine whether or not a woman can have it all, my findings are supporting my theory that we can’t. Something always has to give.
I was talking to a new-mommy friend and she said that she has cried just about every day since returning to work. I mean, this was a well-planned pregnancy. Husband. Great house. Two incomes. But nothing is as heart-wrenching as having to give up your child and go to work. They are actually considering selling the house and going back to apartment living so she can stay home and work on her consulting business. And it’s not so much the work—we both agreed that we would eventually get very bored not doing something—but it’s the total loss of control. You have no choice in the matter. You really begin to think about how much you could accomplish if you had those hours to yourself. In my case with travel and all, I lose 13 hours of my day. Add to that, the 5 or 6 hours of sleep I try to squeeze in, and I only have five hours to take care of Raine, keep the house presentable (right now, it looks like the “before” in those organization shows), pay bills, exercise, keep up with friends, visit family, do freelance work… You’re beginning to get my point.
Raine’s dad is an alpha male and although he has stayed home with her, he goes out to make money. But when he’s here, I don’t have to cook, really I don’t need to lift a finger. I wish he’d clean though. He’ll do a deep, thorough cleaning, but that happens on his clock, which ends up being only about once a year. But you can’t tell him that. I am 100 percent sure that if the men were the primary caregivers, they would crack. Women are much better at balancing on the day-to-day level.
Raine is growing. I feel really bad because over the past week I’ve seen her just 30 minutes. She is now on the road with her cousin India to visit her great-grandmother. So it’ll be another week of me, myself and I. Which in theory sounds like just what I need. But it only depresses me. Did I really wait this late in life to have a child not to have time for her? This is so wrong. I hear all this adjustment stuff is normal. But that doesn’t make it any easier.
I’ll end on a good note: I’m finally beginning to see my stomach deflate. I went all last week without wearing my high-waisted Spanx! It's been six months, so I can only say that it is about time. I’ve lost about seven pounds, primarily by snacking on small meals throughout the day instead of the three big meals. I’ve also been drinking A LOT of coffee. I don’t know if the caffeine has anything to do about it. I do squeeze in three half-hour workouts a week.
Ladies, I really want to know what adjustments you HAD to make to make this all work. Hit me at the e-mail address below and let me know.
Until next time…
Marcia Caster
Senior Editor, Beauty and Fashion
mcaster@heartandsoul.com
I was talking to a new-mommy friend and she said that she has cried just about every day since returning to work. I mean, this was a well-planned pregnancy. Husband. Great house. Two incomes. But nothing is as heart-wrenching as having to give up your child and go to work. They are actually considering selling the house and going back to apartment living so she can stay home and work on her consulting business. And it’s not so much the work—we both agreed that we would eventually get very bored not doing something—but it’s the total loss of control. You have no choice in the matter. You really begin to think about how much you could accomplish if you had those hours to yourself. In my case with travel and all, I lose 13 hours of my day. Add to that, the 5 or 6 hours of sleep I try to squeeze in, and I only have five hours to take care of Raine, keep the house presentable (right now, it looks like the “before” in those organization shows), pay bills, exercise, keep up with friends, visit family, do freelance work… You’re beginning to get my point.
Raine’s dad is an alpha male and although he has stayed home with her, he goes out to make money. But when he’s here, I don’t have to cook, really I don’t need to lift a finger. I wish he’d clean though. He’ll do a deep, thorough cleaning, but that happens on his clock, which ends up being only about once a year. But you can’t tell him that. I am 100 percent sure that if the men were the primary caregivers, they would crack. Women are much better at balancing on the day-to-day level.
Raine is growing. I feel really bad because over the past week I’ve seen her just 30 minutes. She is now on the road with her cousin India to visit her great-grandmother. So it’ll be another week of me, myself and I. Which in theory sounds like just what I need. But it only depresses me. Did I really wait this late in life to have a child not to have time for her? This is so wrong. I hear all this adjustment stuff is normal. But that doesn’t make it any easier.
I’ll end on a good note: I’m finally beginning to see my stomach deflate. I went all last week without wearing my high-waisted Spanx! It's been six months, so I can only say that it is about time. I’ve lost about seven pounds, primarily by snacking on small meals throughout the day instead of the three big meals. I’ve also been drinking A LOT of coffee. I don’t know if the caffeine has anything to do about it. I do squeeze in three half-hour workouts a week.
Ladies, I really want to know what adjustments you HAD to make to make this all work. Hit me at the e-mail address below and let me know.
Until next time…
Marcia Caster
Senior Editor, Beauty and Fashion
mcaster@heartandsoul.com
posted by heart&soulmate @ 9:52 PM
1 Comments:
At 11:00 AM,
Monique Pryor said…
Lucky you Marcia!
I know it's hard to be without Rain. But, do try to enjoy these days without her as she bonds with family. You will look back on them and be grateful for the time alone.
Not sure how I managed to cope going back to work initially. I was able to stay home for over a year with my first. And I can say that although I appreciate my time with her, the day soon came (as it will for every mom who relishes in being someone other than somebody's mother) that when hanging out with just her was not enough. For me, a year was too long. With my second, I found a nice balance of being able to conduct business and enjoy life with her right on my hip until I got back up to full working speed by 11 months.
Between doing business with other moms who understood that I had to bring my daughter along for a business meeting or dropping her off with her play-grandmother, it's all about finding out what works for you.
If it was up to me, I would love to be able for my daughters to see me conducting business so they can learn the lessons of being a leader very soon. I just need to convince my mother to move in with me so I can have that security. :)
Sincerely,
Monique
www.mymenetwork.com
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