New Mommy Files, Part 14

I can’t believe the summer is over. Where did the time go? For Raine it has been a summer of change. She has morphed into this adorable little munchkin of a person. Her looks seem to change every day. I look at photographs that are only a week or so apart and she looks different in each of them. Of course, she looks just like her daddy. As one friend kindly asked, “Did you give her anything but the va-chay-chay?” From the looks of things, no.

So at seven months she can sit up by herself, and she has two-going-on-four teeth. I must say she’s handling the teething quite well. I know right now I have a cavity and I fret over it more than she frets over the four teeth cutting through her gums. She’s also been eating rice cereal and we just introduced Stage 1 bananas. We probably should have given her a veggie first, but she loves it! I don’t know; she may have to share. Baby applesauce was a favorite of mine well into my teens. I never liked chunky applesauce and it doesn’t get much smoother than baby food. I bet it’s a low-calorie snack, too. I also notice that she is really trying to keep up with her 5-year old-cousin India. That is her girl! When India talks she babbles along like she’s having the best gossipy conversation. She follows her every move with her eyes and everything. I’m going to have to keep my eyes on her once she starts moving on her own. There’s been no crawling yet. She gets in position and pushes off with her back legs, but she doesn’t move an inch. Eventually she just ends up rolling over on her back until the next try.

Speaking of another try—on my previous posts, I lamented about Raine spending so much time away from me. Between me working and her spending time with the grandparents, I was starting to feel really guilty. I’m now going to try to look on the bright side and take the advice of my friend Monique who posted that I should cherish the time alone while Raine bonded with family. (I should take the word “try” out since I heard a motivational type say that trying is just failing with dignity. I love that.) So I’m looking at the silver lining. I just started this new outlook today. As I was heading to work I was reading Manifest Your Destiny by Wayne W. Dyer. I’ve had this book for a good 10 years and never read it completely—hence my un-manifested life. But it really is just like all The Secret stuff. In short, he says to put out what you want in return. So the more I complain or feel down or guilty or sorry for myself, the more I get just that. So we’ll see how long I stay on the positive, happy train. This nice four-day weekend is a perfect time to start.

Happy Labor Day!

Marcia Caster
Senior Editor, Beauty and Fashion
mcaster@heartandsoul.com

New Mommy Files, Part 13

We all need support. That’s what I’m finding out. When my friend out in L.A. years ago chimed on about the lifeline that is Mocha Moms, I thought it was cute but I didn’t quite get it. But I see now that connecting with other moms not only helps you keep your sanity, but it also helps you realize you’re not really crazy. And the connection doesn’t have to be a formal one. A phone call. An e-mail. Sometimes that’s enough. This week I had a little of both.

Also this week, I walked around with Raine’s doctor’s number in my pocketbook. I needed to call to reschedule her appointment that we missed. I’m straight embarrassed that we missed it. So embarrassed that I couldn’t call. I don’t know why. I just feel like the biggest loser mom who forgot her daughter’s appointment because I was on a mission to get my car tags changed! Now in my defense, the appointment was originally August 18th. But the receptionist called me to change it to the 11th. I remembered this while I was in line at the DMV 8:00 on the morning of the 11th! Maybe if I had stayed at home even a night during the last three weeks, I would have seen it posted up on the refrigerator. But during the weeks leading up to that Saturday (and thank goodness her doctor has weekend hours!), we were at my sister’s place for daycare reasons. Oh well, I hear memory loss is common among pregnant ladies and new mommies. But between you and me, I’m going to lie when I call and say we had a family emergency.

On to the weight loss: I’m down about seven pounds. My size 10 pants are a bit baggy. But I still don’t understand why my stomach won’t deflate. I do situps and a little TaeBo. I can only fit in about 30 minutes of the hour and a half tape but I do work up a sweat. Raine is almost seven months and I’ve only lost a pound a month. I can’t but into words the frustration! And damn that Mel B. “Scary Spice” woman. I just saw pictures of her in a bikini! It’s so unfair! Damned those celebrities for making the real world seem so impossible! But I’m in a contest with a co-worker, so maybe that will help give me a boost. I really want a personal trainer and a nutritionist, but there’s absolutely no money for that. So I guess I’m on my own and will keep that bikini in the trunk for next year—hopefully!

Marcia Caster
Senior Editor, Beauty and Fashion
mcaster@heartandsoul.com

New Mommy Files, Part 12

Organization, organization. That’s what is lacking here. But the truth is, there’s no time for it. In my quest to determine whether or not a woman can have it all, my findings are supporting my theory that we can’t. Something always has to give.

I was talking to a new-mommy friend and she said that she has cried just about every day since returning to work. I mean, this was a well-planned pregnancy. Husband. Great house. Two incomes. But nothing is as heart-wrenching as having to give up your child and go to work. They are actually considering selling the house and going back to apartment living so she can stay home and work on her consulting business. And it’s not so much the work—we both agreed that we would eventually get very bored not doing something—but it’s the total loss of control. You have no choice in the matter. You really begin to think about how much you could accomplish if you had those hours to yourself. In my case with travel and all, I lose 13 hours of my day. Add to that, the 5 or 6 hours of sleep I try to squeeze in, and I only have five hours to take care of Raine, keep the house presentable (right now, it looks like the “before” in those organization shows), pay bills, exercise, keep up with friends, visit family, do freelance work… You’re beginning to get my point.

Raine’s dad is an alpha male and although he has stayed home with her, he goes out to make money. But when he’s here, I don’t have to cook, really I don’t need to lift a finger. I wish he’d clean though. He’ll do a deep, thorough cleaning, but that happens on his clock, which ends up being only about once a year. But you can’t tell him that. I am 100 percent sure that if the men were the primary caregivers, they would crack. Women are much better at balancing on the day-to-day level.

Raine is growing. I feel really bad because over the past week I’ve seen her just 30 minutes. She is now on the road with her cousin India to visit her great-grandmother. So it’ll be another week of me, myself and I. Which in theory sounds like just what I need. But it only depresses me. Did I really wait this late in life to have a child not to have time for her? This is so wrong. I hear all this adjustment stuff is normal. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

I’ll end on a good note: I’m finally beginning to see my stomach deflate. I went all last week without wearing my high-waisted Spanx! It's been six months, so I can only say that it is about time. I’ve lost about seven pounds, primarily by snacking on small meals throughout the day instead of the three big meals. I’ve also been drinking A LOT of coffee. I don’t know if the caffeine has anything to do about it. I do squeeze in three half-hour workouts a week.

Ladies, I really want to know what adjustments you HAD to make to make this all work. Hit me at the e-mail address below and let me know.

Until next time…

Marcia Caster
Senior Editor, Beauty and Fashion
mcaster@heartandsoul.com

New Mommy Files, Part 11

Can we have it all? Family? Career? Hot body? Vacation time? Steamy relationship? Friends? Great hair? Well this ponytailed girl is beginning to think not. It’s getting kinda hectic around here. My hats are off to all of the mothers out there who are climbing the corporate ladder, pursuing entrepreneurial ventures, living far from family and friends, or just plain looking good. Raine’s dad and I are tag teaming it the best we can. Plus, we have the support of family who help in a huge way. But the juggling act I perform every day creates more than a three-ring circus. I’m beginning to think that the moms who appear to have it all together are either jobless, rich, or never see their kids.

This blog was supposed to be all about babies. But I’m quickly learning mommyhood has less to do about the actual baby and more about you. How do you handle stress? How organized are you? What kind of support system do you have? Do you have a sense of humor? All of these things determine how well you adapt to your new life. Let me tell you, this week was rough. I had an official meltdown in front of my boss. I couldn’t take it. I’m half living at my sister’s because she watches Raine during the day (what a huge blessing!), and she lives 45 minutes away from me. By the time I get to her house from work, there’s really no point in heading home. Plus Marc has been away for the better part of a month because of his ailing grandmother. Mail is piling up. Bills are late. And I’m realizing I’m not as organized as I thought I was.

When big poppa gets back in town, we’re having a powwow. Time to buckle up and be grown up! (I was afraid that was going to eventually happen.) I’ll let you know how it goes. How do you moms out there keep it all together? Do you live by a schedule? Wake up at 4 a.m. to exercise? Have a mandatory date night with your significant other? Work part-time? Please let a sista know. I know some changes have to be made but I just want to make the right ones. Lucky for us Raine is a chill baby. She just sits back and watches Mommy and Daddy trying to keep everything on track.

With all of the packing I’ve been doing over the last three weeks, I’ve realized that with a baby, the overnight bag does not exist! We stayed in Virginia two nights and between the three of us had two uprights, two duffel bags, two computer totes, one diaper tote and a garment bag. I did come across some items that the whole family can use, though. That’s a few less bottles and jars to pack. Carol’s Daughter's Tui Hair Oil is great! Marc uses it all of the time. It smells so good and it only takes a dab on little Raine’s hair to give it sheen and softness. To rid the family of ash, try Vaseline Intensive Care’s Baby Oil gel; it’s a lot safer to pack than the ready-to-spill baby oil and it gives Momma’s skin a sexy sheen. On those humid, miserably hot days, I borrow Raine’s lavendar scented Johnson & Johnson’s Baby Powder. It’s cool and refreshing! Let me know if you have any more products that you, Dad and the baby can share.

Talk to you next week!

Marcia Caster
Senior Editor, Beauty and Fashion
mcaster@heartandsoul.com