New Mommy Files, Part 19

Is this normal? Raine is so clingy these days. And, she’s super picky about who she will let hold her. As of this evening, the short list includes me, her dad (for short periods of time) my mom, my dad, my sister and her cousin India. We went visiting yesterday to see her paternal grandma. By the end of the visit Grandma was worn out and so was I. She’s a little busy body. But I guess this is normal for eight months. If you’re a stranger, she’s not having it.

So tomorrow will be very interesting, since daddy is watching her while I’m at work. I’m glad they will have time without me around. She was super bonded with him just a mere month ago, but I’m learning that with a baby, it only takes a few weeks away from home to switch the game completely. Which leads me to my latest new mommy decision: Do I go completely freelance? The pros? More control over my time. Flexibility. The family will be together more. Raine at home more. The weekend parenting is not what I had in mind. This move will allow me the time, but will everything else work out? The cons? No check every two weeks without fail. Less money. Paying for our insurance. So far, the pros are winning. Like I’ve said before, I feel like I’m not really living my life. It’s more like I’m just going through the motions of someone else’s life. I can see so clearly how people just end up bitter in the end of life. Giving up on dreams seems like the responsible thing to do. But how can you live without them? My favorite line now is from a BonJovi song. I’ve heard it a million times, but it rings so true now. "I want to live while I’m alive." Love it.

The jump is going to take a lot of faith. I’ve always run for the safety net, but in my heart I’m somebody else. The safety net has really gotten me nowhere. But now I have Raine. If I stay full time, it will be strictly because of money. Is that enough of a reason? I believe if you finally get in your lane in life, the money will follow. I’ll have to pray on it.

Marcia Caster
Senior Editor, Beauty and Fashion
mcaster@heartandsoul.com

New Mommy Files, Part 18

On the road again. That's my theme song. Remember last week I headed to southern Virginia to visit Raine at my parent’s house? Well, before I blinked it was Friday again and time to hit the road. My week off from mommyhood had a highlight or two. The best one being my night out with two co-workers. We went to a little wine bar and downed two bottles of wine and four very appetizing appetizers. I’m not even a wine drinker but hey, they do say it does a heart good.

But more than my heart it did my mind good. It was nice to go out and not worry about getting home. And,these were non-moms so we didn’t talk about kids, either. Not that I’m not proud as punch over Raine, but at work I am slowly morphing into “the mom” one, and many of the non-work conversations people have with me revolve around motherhood. And anyone (even the guys) who has a little one on the way hit me up for information. I wonder what I used to talk about? And of all the conversation topics, parenthood is probably the subject I know the least about. It has only been eight months, you know. So I highly recommend a night out here and there to keep you young, and,even though it was a late night, refreshed! I'm going to try to sneak out again next week to a co-worker's baby shower happy hour (he’s the daddy and didn’t want the office pastel balloons). Hey, it’s a baby shower, but after the good time I had this week, I’ll take a night out any way I can get it.

Talk to you next week. I’ll have to fill you in on the Raine and Dad adventure. He’s going to have to watch her overnight solo tomorrow. She sticks to her schedule like clockwork, but I have a feeling she’s going to try to take her daddy for a ride. We’ll see.

Marcia Caster
Senior Editor, Beauty and Fashion
mcaster@heartandsoul.com

New Mommy Files, Part 17

It’s “pass the baby” time. Raine and I had to pack up after I came home from work Friday night and haul down the road six hours to the grandparents so they can watch her for a few days. Lately I feel like I just have visitation rights. On one hand I’m very grateful I can work things so she can stay with family while I am at work. On the other hand, it comes at the cost of spending lots of time with her. It was nice last week. My sister watched her during the day and I just had a sleepover at her house. But it’s always a tradeoff: No time. Evening time, but I don't stay at my own home. Daddy watch her during the day, so I come home to her in the evenings at our own home, but when daddy is home during the day, daddy isn’t making money. Bad for everyone!

So I’m writing this to you from the country and mentally preparing myself to leave her behind. Who knew having a baby would turn your world around so much? I had an idea. But, really, I had no idea.

But Raine is almost eight months old and we are hanging in there. She has such a strong will and I can see the determination. She still looks just like her daddy, teeth and all. And I can finally put her hair in a ponytail. That’s the one thing she has in common with me; my hair in a ponytail is all that I can muster. But the baby is away you say? I know. But that only means that mommy works longer hours. I haven’t gotten this “me time” thing down yet.

One thing I do know is that having a little girl around makes me want to do more. I wonder if I would feel the way if I had a boy. I feel the need to set a path that she may want to follow. I want her to see me enjoying my work, taking care of myself, being self-sufficient. Oh the pressure. I’m working on it, but I admit I have a long way to go. Right now all I can think about is hitting the road tomorrow for that long trek home. But I’ll count my blessings. There’s nothing better than spending time with the grandparents. I remember the summers with mine and I’m glad that Raine gets to experience it, not only with her grandparents but her great-grandmother, too! What great memories are being made! How's that for looking at the bright side?

Marcia Caster
Senior Editor, Beauty and Fashion
mcaster@heartandsoul.com

Change Is in the Air

This is a season for change. It’s what our October/November cover girl Tamia says in the story written by Heather Keets Wright, and Tamia ain’t never lied! For those of you who have been following the heartandsoul.com blogs, you know I started working out with a U.S. marine, Thurman Lofton. The workouts continue. In spite of being on the road all summer for Heart & Soul tour stops and various health workshops, Thurman (“The Marine,” as he’s affectionately known by members of my inner circle) has hung with me, and I’m starting to see results. My arms have more definition and my upper abs are starting to get flatter. And I could kick down brick walls with my calves! There is still work to be done on my lower abs and my thighs, but I can fit into clothing that was too tight back in May. Better: I’m no longer huffing and puffing when I climb the three flights of stairs to my front door.

I also cut my hair. Trust me, this is monumental. It hasn’t been this short since 1988. Folks who have known me for years walked right by and didn’t recognize me. My three little brothers (my teenage touchstones) saw it and immediately exclaimed, “Rihanna!” Looking like the Caribbean songstress wasn’t my intent. I wanted healthier hair (to go with my healthier body). So much to my Sorta Significant Other’s consternation, the long, unkempt ponytail with the scary split ends is gone.

Finally, it’s fall, the beginning of my favorite time of year. The leaves are changing, the air is crisper at night and the holidays are just around the corner. It’s also Breast Cancer Awareness Month, so remember to do your breast self-exams (BSEs). The experts can’t agree on whether or not these exams are helpful, but I believe BSEs, coupled with clinical breast exams and annual mammograms (if you’re 40 or older), have led to the growing number of women discovering their breast cancers at earlier, more treatable stages. If we can catch it earlier, perhaps we can reverse the trend of black women dying from beast cancer more often.

Until next time…be well!

Kendra Lee
Managing Editor
klee@heartandsoul.com